10 Roadblocks you shouldn`t say to your kids.

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Hi everyone,

how are you this week?
So, let`s start by some update off my life…
Okay, so first KiKa on Kids has a new cool tool, now you can give me your advice voting for the category in which you would like to read the next post.
It`s super easy, you can find the poll in the first line to the right on the beginning of the footer, or on the posts sidebar.
Now, you just have to vote!!!
Then, last Thursday I went to Vancouver, Washington with my “host mom” and Sofia because Friday Sofia has her last gymnastics meet of the season. She`s qualified 6th on all Washington state!!! WOW I was back on Saturday morning and of course a spent almost all afternoon in school.
Last thing, guess what??? Sunday was my birthday!!!
26 years old! WOW!
But now, let`s start talking about the new post, so how you guys already know I`m studying for become a Montessori kindergarten teacher.
I almost done with the first part of my certification, I`m going to end the class this April, and then the long-awaited Internship!!!
I can`t wait to finally start to work with children. So, EXCITED!
But anyway, after some studying of the Montessori method I found out that there are some roadblocks that we shouldn`t never say to our children.
I chose the 10 that I preferred!
I hope you like it, but if you think I miss something, feel free to comment and add things.

1. Ordering, directing, commanding.

These messages tell a child that his feelings or needs are not important: “I don’t care what you want to do; come into the house this minute.” “Go to your room – and if you don’t I’ll see to it that you get there.”

2. Warning, admonishing, threatening.

These messages can make a child feel fearful and submissive: “If you do that you’ll be sorry.” “If you don’t get to bed right away, you’re going to get spanked.” “If you don’t stop playing that drum I’m going to get really upset”

3. Exhorting, moralizing, preaching.

Such messages bring to bear on the child the power of external authority, duty or obligation. Children may respond to such “shield’s”, “ought’s”, and “musts” by resisting and defending their posture even more strongly: “You ought to the right thing.” “You shouldn’t think that way.” “You should always respect your teachers.”

4. Advising, giving solution / suggestions.

Such messages are often felt by the child as evidence that the parent does not have confidence in the child’s judgment or ability to find his own solution: “What should I do daddy?” “Your mother and I know what’s best.” “Why didn’t I think of that?” “You always know better what to do.”

5. Lecturing, teaching, arguing.

The act of trying to teach another often makes the “student” feel you are making him look inferior, subordinate and inadequate. “You always think you know everything.”

6. Judging, criticizing, disagreeing, blaming.

These messages, probably more than any of the others, make children feel inadequate, inferior, stupid, unworthy, bad. A child’s self-concept gets shaped by parental judgment and evaluation. As the parent judges the child, so will the child judge himself: “I heard so often that I was bad I began to feel I must be bad.”

7. Name-calling, ridiculing, shaming.

Such messages can have a devastating effect on the self-image of a child. They can make a child feel unworthy, bad, unloved. The most frequent response to such messages is to give one back to the parent: “And you’re a big nag.” “Look who’s calling who lazy.”

8. Reassuring, sympathizing, consoling.

Such messages are not as helpful as most parents believe. To reassure a child when he is feeling disturbed about something, you may simply convince him that you don’t understand him: “You couldn’t say that if knew how scared I am.”
Parents reassure and console because they are not comfortable with their child’s feeling hurt, upset, discouraged and the like. Such messages tell a child that you want him to stop feeling the way he does. (“Don’t feel bad, things will turn out all right.”)

9. Probing, questioning, interrogating.

To ask questions may convey to children your lack of trust, your suspicion or doubt. (“Did you wash your hands like I told you?”). Children also see through some questions as attempts “to get them out on a limb,” only to have it sawed off by the parent. (“How long did you study? Only an hour? Well, you deserve a `C’ on that exam.”)

10. Withdrawing, humoring, diverting.

Such messages can communicate to the child that you’re not interested in him, don’t respect his feelings or are downright rejecting him. Children are generally quite serious and intent when they need to talk about something. When you respond with kidding, you can make them feel hurt and rejected. Putting children off or diverting their feelings may for the moment appear successful but a person’s feelings do not always go away. They often crop up later. Problems put off are problems seldom solved. Children, like adults, want to be heard and understood respectfully. If their parents brush them aside, they soon learn to take their important feelings and problems elsewhere.

I know what you’re thinking, trust me, I thought the same thing.
After reading all that it seems to have always spoken ill to your children or students.
Studying to become a Montessori teacher, I realized that there is a special language to use with children for not to commit these small mistakes.
One of the tips that I was given by my teacher, is precisely to make the child understand how we feel about one of his particular attitude that we consider wrong. So, for example, instead of starting our sentences with “NO” we should try to say: when you … I feel … because ….

I hope I have helped you in some way and that you enjoyed the post.

Don`t forget to leave me your comments, to follow me on my social media accounts and to subscribe.

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Kiss from KiKa

PS. One of my classmates is opening a new Montessori school. So, if you’re from Washington and live in Bonney Lake area and you are looking for a good school for your child, you just need to contact her!

PS-2. You might also like this post: “10 reasons why you should choose a Montessori education for your child.”  ENJOY!

Per la versione in Italiano Clicca Qui.

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